While some will say that that 4 letter word is “hell”; I suggest that the solution is the 4 letter action word: “verb”.
Many times I read or hear that love should be easy or it is “wrong”; how can that be true? It has been my extensive experience that, conversely, those who effectively, constructively and intentionally face their resistance, then work through it, can forge a stronger more fulfilling and rewarding relationship than those who avoid or reject conflict.
Conflicting backgrounds, values and desires are common sources for disagreements and can become the reason couples use to argue and sometimes end their relationships. With skilled coaching and a common goal – to more than salvage the relationship – to enhance and improve the relationship – couples can learn love skills. Skills that help couples create or recreate their ideal relationship together.
For those couples just beginning their Soulmate relationship, much difficulty can be avoided applying a few simple techniques:
- Actively (with “loving kind curiosity” as opposed to an “interrogation” or “interview”) learn your partner’s background, values, goals and dreams; share yours – honestly – what you ignore or overlook in the beginning can divide you in the end.
- It is easy, especially as time goes by in your relationship, to begin to notice what your partner does that “annoys” you or what you “dislike” – intentionally notice and appreciate what you “admire” or “like” – what you love about your partner, in fact, what caused you to feel interested in your partner and then to fall in love?
- When couples date and first come together, they actively and intentionally do and say things that they know and believe will attract their desired Soulmate – once committed, the pressures and demands of daily life can cause the one you love most in the world to fall to the bottom of your list of priorities, along with all those things that you once went out of your way to do and say to attract your heart’s desire. Sometimes those things become no longer realistic or feasible – life happens, things change – wise couples understand this, anticipate and use these happenings and changes to forge an even stronger bond. These couples are far better together than ever were or will be separately.
The most powerful tool that couples can use to restore or strengthen their relationship is a simple intention or commitment to continuously improve and adapt to meet both party’s needs and wants – a win/win*. Simple is not always easy; fortunately, there are tools that can help. One of the greatest inventions of modern time for helping people quickly and uniquely is “The App”.
Another effective tool for shifting a potentially negative and/or destructive “event” is the “pattern interrupt”** That is to say, when a potentially negative and/or destructive “event” is beginning to “unfold” and one, or ideally both, party’s recognize the pattern has initiated; then, they could agree to access Life Change-The App for immediate “help”, either in the palm of their hands or on their electronic tablet. Next, answering the questions in one or more of the 4 Apps, inside Life Change – The App, facilitates the environment, mindset and dialogue that can lead to a win/win solution – synergy – and ultimately the possibility of great make-up without the anguish, wounds and “scars” that an unfacilitated, emotional argument typically produces.
It is important to note that not all couples are meant to be together, forever or in a Soulmate relationship. Life Change – The App is a valuable tool for assisting couples, in the initial stages of “commitment”, to identify their common goals, values, dreams, habits as well as where they are misaligned. Ideally, couples transcend chemistry long enough to communicate, openly and honestly about what they want, have in common and, what they do not. Bearing in mind that what one is willing to overlook or ignore in the beginning will most likely be something that divides later on, the mature and wise couple will seek a win/win early on – intentionally aligning the misalignment. If this agreement is impossible; then, it may be less painful to part now as friends than it is to suffer the break-up later.
Regardless of where you are in your relationship, Life Change – The App can benefit Soulmates. For those who want the benefit of coaching to make the simple easy, there is The Life Change Coaching Program. The App, and coaching program, both help you and your partner make a Soulmate relationship a more rewarding, fulfilling 4 letter word – love the verb!
Best wishes for your Life and Love Extraordinaire!
© jan gentleman-ingersoll Eastern Shepherd, Inc. 2012