“I’ve met the enemy and the enemy is me.” A cliché but nonetheless it carries an element of truth.
It is popular these days to blame the EGO, perceiving it as an evil villain determined to enslave and destroy your life. I have a different perspective on EGO.
I believe that everything God created has value and serves a purpose – including EGO.
In fact, I imagine two metaphors for EGO: one as an auto pilot similar to that which flies a plane and the other as a parent.
In the first, I imagine that it “runs our life show” until we gain mastery and assume the controls ourselves. This does not mean that once we gain mastery that there is never a time when EGO serves us. Which leads to the second metaphor – that of EGO as a parent.
Ideally, as adults we outgrow the need for a parent to run our life show. But, that does not mean there is no longer a valuable role for a parent in our life. What it does mean is that the role changes – evolves as we mature and our needs differ.
Stephen Covey teaches that as we move through life we advance through stages: we are born helpless and dependent, become independent then if all goes well, as adults we become interdependent – then, in our final stage of life, some of us become dependent again. Through each of these stages parents have different roles that enable their child to gain essential knowledge and skills to thrive in the next stage – always “with the end in mind”: a capable, effective and contributing adult living a meaningful and fulfilled life.
· Not everybody understands the process
· Not everybody understands their role in the process
· Not everybody evolves through the stages – some people get stuck (have you ever heard of the term co-dependent?)
· Not everybody understands how EGO fits into the process
· Not everybody even knows they have a role in the EGO evolution process so choose to destroy it or remain its dependent child
· Many people get stuck in the early stage and rebel against it
Different stages and roles implies different intentions and purposes; subsequently, different behaviors. Ideally, with a dependent infant the parent knows what nourishment the baby needs, as well as prepares and delivers it. Then, with the intention of teaching their child self-reliance they prepare their child for independence – this preparation is an evolutionary process not instantaneous, that also occurs in stages over time. Initially they have to teach their dependent baby the mechanics of feeding themselves – how to use the equipment, what to eat, when to eat, where to eat and even with whom to eat; then later down the life path (but NOT as much later as some parents might think), their independent adolescent or teen must be able to choose for themselves how to use the equipment, what to eat, when to eat, how to eat, where to eat, with whom to eat and even how to acquire and prepare what they eat. The reason it is critical that children gain this ability while still in the parent’s home is so that when they leave the nest, they are capable and competent caring for themselves which prepares them for interdependence. Once they get into a relationship and have to comprehend and consider the upbringing and preferences that another person brings into it, and when they have their own child or a group to consider, interdependence becomes a factor. With a helpless dependent baby a parent’s role is fairly clear cut and obvious; however, when the child reaches independence and later on in interdependence, the roles blur and become fodder for debate.
Ideally, as a child moves through independence the parent knows or notices what skills their child needs to succeed in the interdependent adult world then arranges training and opportunities to integrate essential skills – eventually, ideally, this includes practice which comprehends trial and error and most of us as loving parents resist allowing our children to fail. Clearly there are times when trial and error could prove deadly – like driving a car; consequently, we invented driving school and 600 hours of practice before receiving the coveted license to drive – brilliant concept. How would life be different if we provided training, practice and licenses to hold our first credit card or checking account, go on our first date, work our first job, parent our first child… Okay, I digress. The point remains, an ideal parent prepares their child for all of these adult roles and more and they prepare them with education and opportunities to practice – while the parent sits in the “co-pilot” seat providing feedback as their child practices being adult. A child needs to hear from their parent about what they observe their child doing right, what they aren’t doing right and what might or must be done differently to get it right or they will receive feedback the hard way from financial challenges, career setbacks, broken relationship, health problems, etc.
Unfortunately, just as parents don’t always know or understand their role in this growing up process; many children rebel against being taught or coached.
And, that leads us to how the role of a parent is a good metaphor for EGO. EGO’s function when we are dependent little spirits being human is survival. It tells us “don’t touch that burner it will burn you” or “don’t stand in front of that oncoming train it will kill you.” Just like a new parent, what it knows about how to protect you comes from a data base in your unconscious mind, filled with what you & it learned from trial and error or the books you read, movies you watched and what parents, teachers, friends, etc. told you. However, if you don’t know or understand its role or the source of its information, which ultimately, at the point of mastery/interdependence, becomes nothing more than advice that you can consider and choose to use or lose… if you don’t know or understand this, you become its dependent child forever.
How does this relate to either soul mate relationship sabotage or attraction? If your unconscious database is filled with more horror stories of ugly divorce, abuse or unfaithfulness and all the pain, anguish and misery they caused than there are loving, kind and mutually fulfilling experiences, judgments or memories; then, in spite of your conscious desire and intention to attract or enjoy a soul mate relationship your EGO says “don’t touch that burner it will burn you!” You, literally, will repel the love of your life; your EGO, to protect and serve you, finds evidence to support or agree with its negative judgment and opinion.
Conversely, if your unconscious database is filled with more positive, loving, kind and mutually fulfilling experiences, judgments and memories; then, you quickly attract and enjoy a soul mate relationship. Your EGO, the well-intentioned parent that it is wants you to have all things good, pleasant and beneficial; so, no barrier energy – attracting energy prevails.
Once you understand that it is EGO’s God given role to evaluate the information contained in your mental data base and offer its educated opinion; then, you can determine if that opinion is relevant given the current experience, your present more mature perspective and choose to follow EGO’s advice or not. Sometimes it will be right; other times its opinion will be clouded by the intensity of the emotion attached to the information stored in your mental database.
Fortunately, when you attain mastery, you naturally become an observer and can swing the balance to suit your wishes and desires. If your mental database is weighted heavy on the soul mate relationship equals danger, don’t do it side – invisible, but powerful, negative, repelling energy emanates from your essence; however, you can shift the weight to an invisible, but powerful, positive, attracting energy in many ways, some temporary and less effective than others. You can:
· Add in positive evidence that your specific goal or intention – an ideal soul mate – can also be a good, safe, desirable experience and here’s how…
· Create vision boards, meditative visualizations, etc…
· Recite affirmations and undergo other reframing techniques learned through NLP, Holographic Repatterning, etc…
· Evaluate the information stored in the database of your unconscious mind to learn if it is true, false or can be modified favorably – The 10-Step Belief Change Exercise is a valuable tool that you can use in the privacy of your own home, at your own speed, to effectively and permanently resolve negative, limiting and sabotaging beliefs surfaced.
It might sound painful, uncomfortable and downright inconvenient; however, resolving the contents of your unconscious mind and aligning it with your goal and intention is a meaningful and purposeful process. The Zuk Paradox says that any time you set a goal or intention – such as I want to attract my ideal soul mate relationship – then everything stored in your unconscious mind’s database that opposes that goal or intention will come to the surface for you to resolve. Not only is incongruence self-sabotaging; it impedes your ability to enjoy the experience of having what you want! Your EGO, like any good parent, helps you succeed with resolution and alignment. A good child works with the process and ultimately becomes an effective, successful master of his or herself! The Belief Change Exercise helps you work with your EGO to accomplish that goal.
For more insight on how to shift the balance favorably to attract your ideal soul mate relationship or to keep your soul mate love alive and flourishing, the book Belief Change – The Book, available at Amazon.com (including on Kindle), Lulu.com , ebook download and Barnes and Noble.com, contains the simple, 10-Step Belief Change Exercise.
In this book you will identify sabotaging, limiting beliefs and shift them to support and enable your goals and intentions.
What barrier beliefs stand between you and what you want to attract? How are you dissolving those barriers? We would love to hear from you in the comment section below.
Until next time, Namaste.
Belief Change Book
© jan gentleman-ingersoll Eastern Shepherd, Inc. 2010