Bars that Block Soul Mate Love

Belief Change - The Book“Rules” can be the prison bars that prevent you from recognizing your Soul Mate and/or appreciating/enjoying him/her exactly as they are. Ironically, they are also the distinctions that enable you to enjoy and appreciate Soul Mate love.

Their purpose? Survival and satisfaction.

What are they? Rules are also known as “values”; they are what is important to you about any and everything. They are the gauge you measure things against to determine: good/bad; pain/pleasure; safe/unsafe…

As a newlywed, I spent a great deal of time in tears because I desperately wanted my husband to anticipate my need for him to send me flowers, give me a sentimental card, a thoughtful gift, a call on the phone, or just look lovingly in my eyes and tell me how much he loved me. It would have been bad enough that I cried like a baby, but that is not what he saw, nor did I give him the benefit of an explanation. I would either get angry and not tell him why or just stuff it. I expected my husband to read my mind and tell me he loved me according to my rules, my expectations, of how a husband, any husband, should tell his wife “I love you”.

Rules become prison bars when you believe, think, choose, speak and act as if your “rules”, “expectations”, or “values” are Universal, God’s commandments and impossible (or immoral) to change, modify or replace. Bottom line, you are in prison when you believe others should share your “rules” or else they are “bad”, “wrong” or “inferior” … to you.

How do you know what your “rules” are? Ask yourself and answer the following questions:

· What’s important to me about: __fill in the blank____? (love, my partner/soul mate, family, life, work, religion, children, parenting, government, health… literally, everything)

· How do I know when I am: __fill in the blank____? ( loved, pretty, happy, successful…)

Ultimately and ideally you will transcend the need for “rules”. When you become fully present, every moment will be perfect exactly as it is. And, your soul mate will be perfect for you, just as he/she is.

You cannot just turn off your need for “rules” – you came here to experience them! You can however satisfy the need for them a.k.a. get from it what you intended to gain and move on to the next.

Belief Change – The Book contains a 10-step process that helps you accomplish that goal. The exercise surfaces those rules that are deeply entrenched, self-sabotaging beliefs and then leads you to their neutralization. Once neutralized, the bars on your prison dissolve and the need for that “rule” is gone.

janet lee

Belief Change Book

© jan gentleman-ingersoll Eastern Shepherd, Inc. 2010

Every day is Valentine’s Day when you love your Soul Mate

Every day is Valentine’s Day when you love your Soul Mate.

“Love,” in this context, is a verb. Verbs imply action; therefore, when you truly love your soul mate you will do those things that demonstrate, speak and show your love for them, every day.

Another way to apply this concept is to act like your relationship a lifelong date. Earn and deserve their love daily. More than candy, flowers and cards, what made your partner smile? What were those warm and fuzzy intimate moments that said, “you are special and important to me?” What else can you think of to make them grateful that you are in their life?

We all seek and yearn for “unconditional love“; sometimes we abuse or misuse it. None of us are perfect; unconditional love carries us through the inevitable mistakes but does not relieve us of our responsibility to be, do and act loveable the majority of the time. Unconditional love enables forgiveness but does not give us license to act like a jerk to the one who loves us most. Steven Covey, in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People*, correlates this concept to an “emotional bank account”: make more deposits of loving kindness than you do “uh-oh” withdrawals, and your relationship should thrive and fulfill you both.


janet lee

Belief Change the Book

© jan gentleman-ingersoll Eastern Shepherd, Inc. 2009