Somebody once said that it’s not what happens to you that makes or breaks you; it’s what you do with what happens to you: how you see it, how you feel about it and how you act and speak because of it.
So what can you do when your life is turned upside down, inside out and it hurts like…?
Celebrate in ANTICIPATION!
You can know and notice something GOOD is in the pipeline for you as a direct result. Better yet, in just 5 simple steps, diligently applied and completed, you can absolutely, constructively accelerate the grief to recovered process.
You can literally transform a seeming disaster into a stepping to stone to something better.
In the end, because of what you learn and gain from this 5 step healing process, you will prove to yourself that you are better off because of what you once thought was the worst thing that ever happened to you!
If your spouse just left or you lost your job or your business failed or __fill in the blank__ and you haven’t a clue what life holds for you as a result, step one is to KNOW, trust and believe that there is a gift of GOOD and it is coming NOW.
Step two, and equally important is closure or completing the cycle with the experience that is ending. Nobody likes to do this step when they are raw from fresh pain; however, if you can force yourself to do it, this process will help move you through the grief much faster and more effectively than if you don’t.
For step two, take a notebook or some blank sheets of paper and a pen to a peaceful, quiet spot where you can write uninterrupted for as long as you need. Across the top of one sheet of paper write the words: “EVERYTHING I LOVED ABOUT __fill in the blank__ “. Across the top of a second sheet of paper write the words: “EVERYTHING I HATED/DISLIKED ABOUT __fill in the blank__ “. Then write everything that comes to mind without editing or evaluating it.
Step three, may be a bit more difficult for you to do but it is critical to the speed and effectiveness of your healing and moving forward. Why you ask? Because the only thing in life any of us can truly CONTROL is our self. Everything else at the most we can INFLUENCE.
Please, across the top of a third piece of paper, write the words: “EVERYTHING I LOVED ABOUT ME IN THIS EXPERIENCE. “ The experience being a marriage, relationship, job, business, career, role… whatever just ended that you are grieving its loss. Across the top of a fourth piece of paper, write the words: “EVERYTHING I HATED/DISLIKED ABOUT ME IN THIS EXPERIENCE. “ Again, write everything that comes to mind without editing or evaluating it.
Step four is where the magic begins. Across the top of a fifth piece of paper, write the words: “EVERYTHING I WANT, EXPECT AND REQUIRE FROM THIS MOMENT FORWARD IN __fill in the blank__.” Then, fill in the blank with the topic you are working through, i.e., marriage, soulmate relationship, job, career, business… From your “LOVED” lists record on this new list, exactly what you want in the next experience. From your “HATED/DISLIKED” list, record the opposite for each item listed. For example, if you recorded that you “HATED/DISLIKED being put down and belittled” then on your “WANT, EXPECT AND REQUIRE…” list write: “being built up, acknowledged and praised” or another example might be as simple as on your “HATED/DISLIKED is disrespectful” on your “WANT, EXPECT AND REQUIRE…” list becomes “is respectful”. For this segment you are taking what you learned that you DO NOT WANT and turning them into a list of what you DO WANT.
Step five – the magic moment! Ceremoniously and safely take both sheets of “HATED/DISLIKED” lists and burn them. Seriously, do it and do it safely. The very action of burning them is a signal to God and your soul that you are complete and ready for the next phase in your soul’s journey. Then, again in whatever way is meaningful to you, ask God and the Universe to supply you with your WANT, EXPECT AND REQUIRE list.
The Law of Attraction is at work for you!
Once you complete these five steps there is nothing left for you to do but NOTICE what shows up and then respond appropriately. Doing so from the space and attitude of gratitude adds to the magical power of this healing process.
Can you now see how you are better for having gone through this experience?
© jan gentleman-ingersoll Eastern Shepherd, Inc. 2009